HOW TO TALK TO YOUR EXTENDED FAMILY ABOUT YOUR CHILD’S AUTISM DIAGNOSIS (WITHOUT LOSING YOUR MIND)

My mother says it’s village people.

My sister-in-law keeps bringing ‘prayer points.’

My father says there’s nothing wrong.

Suppose you're parenting a child with autism or any developmental difference in Africa. In that case, you probably know how hard it is to explain your child's needs to everyone else, especially elders, in-laws, neighbours, and well-meaning busybodies. Advice and opinions not grounded in facts will be flying around; everyone has something to say that would either make you feel guilty of not doing enough for your child or doing too much. It can feel like fighting two battles:

1. Helping your child get the support they need.

2. Constantly defending your parenting choices.

   
   

So, how do you break the silence, calm the myths, and keep your sanity?

This blog is your practical guide with real scripts, cultural sensitivity, and a gentle but firm approach to saying “Enough!” when needed.

WHY DOES IT FEEL SO HARD TO TALK ABOUT AUTISM HERE?

In many African homes, disability or anything “different” is still misunderstood and stigmatised, especially in the rural part. Elders often link developmental differences to spiritual attacks or curses and poor parenting, like saying, “You spoilt him with too much love.” So parents are told:

• Pray harder.

• Try this herbal remedy.

• Take him to the village for cleansing.

Meanwhile, you, the parent, are trying to explain:

• Autism is not caused by the devil/demons.

• Your child’s brain just works differently.

• Therapy, structure, and love help, while blame and shame don’t.

  

WHY SHOULD I EXPLAIN TO THEM?

Research shows that when families understand autism, children get better support and parents feel less isolated. Yes! Supporting your child will get easier, and you won’t feel isolated.

So while it may feel awkward having these conversations, every bit by bit matters.

HOW CAN I GO ABOUT IT?

Step 1: Decide who needs to know.

Yes! Not everyone needs your child's full story. Instead, ask yourself these questions below:

• Who spends time with my child regularly?

• Who influences decisions about my child’s care?

• Who do I want as an ally?

For example:

- Grandparents who live with you or visit often.

- Older siblings and cousins who play with your child.

- A close aunt or uncle who helps pay school fees or medical bills.

The neighbour who only comes to gossip? They don't need a full seminar about your child or family. However, you can educate them on what autism is, and who knows, they may eventually have a gospel to positively share around.

Step 2: Use simple and clear language.

You don’t need big medical words. Keep it short and practical. For instance, you can say:

Autism means his brain works differently. He may not talk much now, but with therapy and our help, he can learn in his way.

She is not stubborn. She needs things repeated calmly.

For grandparents, you can say:

Mama, I know you’re worried. We all want him to grow well. The doctor says he has something called autism. It’s not our fault, not your fault, not anybody’s fault. He just needs help to learn differently. That’s why we go for therapy. We need your support, not blame.

For in-laws who blame you

I know you want him to be okay. We are doing our best. The therapist says with time, he will learn more. Please, instead of blaming, I need your support so that we can focus on helping him together.

Step 3: Correct myths gently.

I understand how misty your eyes get when someone says something negative about your child; sometimes you get triggered and reactive, and other times you go silent and walk away in shame. However, I want you to know that people label things they don't understand. So when someone says, It's a demon/devil; he just needs beating; she will outgrow it and forget therapy.

You can respond this way:

I understand that’s what people used to think. But science shows autism is not spiritual, it’s how the brain works uniquely. Beating won’t help, but with structure, patience, and love, we can help him more.

We trust prayer, but we also trust therapy. Both can work together.

Step 4: Set boundaries when needed.

Sometimes, people refuse to listen. In that case, protect your peace. Be polite but firm. Hence, you can say:

I know you mean well, but we have decided to follow the doctor’s plan.

Thank you for your concern. We’re doing what’s best for him.

Repeat if needed, and don’t forget to walk away when talk turns toxic. You can say:

I don’t want to argue. Let’s change the topic.

Remember: you don’t owe everyone full explanations.

Step 5: Give family a role, and allow them to be involved healthily.

People fear what they don’t understand! Remember, it takes a community to raise a child. Hence, giving them a small role helps them feel useful.

Could you help him with his homework this evening?

When you come to visit, please help us keep the noise low, loud sounds upset him.

When you buy gifts, avoid toys with bright flashing lights, they overwhelm her.

Step 6: Educate little by little.

Instead of long lectures, drop gentle facts:

• Share short videos or pamphlets embedded in facts, like our blog post, WHO, CDC, etc.

• Invite a supportive relative to a therapy session. Yes, seeing is believing.

  
  

Step 7: Protect your child’s dignity.

African families sometimes talk about children in front of them, like saying- See this one, he cannot talk! Remember that just because he cannot talk doesn’t mean he cannot hear or understand. The children understand more than you think.

Teach family members to speak with respect, avoid labels like “mumu” or “deaf and dumb,” and celebrate small wins loudly like “He greeted today! Clap for him!”

WHEN EXTENDED FAMILY BECOMES A VILLAGE

When your family understands autism or developmental concerns, they stop comparing, they stop shaming, and they help create safe spaces for your child in church, parties, and compound gatherings.

However, when they don't understand, you waste energy defending yourself every time, your child faces more stigma, and you feel isolated and exhausted.

So, choose your battles wisely, but start small, with who matters most.

CONCLUSION

Remember, you didn’t cause your child’s autism, and you don’t owe the world endless explanations. Instead, you owe your child your love, advocacy, and protection, and that’s enough.

At Nuture CDC, we stand with you; we provide support in the form of consultations, screening, and interventions. We can connect you with other parents so you know you’re not alone. Also, you can reach us to help explain autism or your child’s developmental concerns to your family. Click here to connect with us.

Have you ever needed to discuss your child's diagnosis with relatives who may be resistant to understanding?

Share your best comeback in the comments. You’ll help another mom stay strong today.

REFERENCES

American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.

McCabe, H. (2007). Parent advocacy in the face of adversity: Autism and families in the People’s Republic of China. Focus on Autism and Other Developmental Disabilities, 22(1), 39–50.

de Leeuw, A., Happé, F., & Hoekstra, R. A. (2020). A Conceptual Framework for Understanding the Cultural and Contextual Factors on Autism Across the Globe. Autism research : official journal of the International Society for Autism Research, 13(7), 1029–1050. https://doi.org/10.1002/aur.2276

World Health Organization. (2013). Autism spectrum disorders & other developmental disorders: From raising awareness to building capacity. Geneva: WHO Press.